Saturday, 27 August 2016

Proxima B is the new Hoxton


First-time buyers have been urged to start looking at buying property on Proxima B.

Estate agents who believe the newly discovered Earth-like planet presents young professionals with their best chance to get on the property ladder are anticipating fierce competition for desirable spots on its barren surface.

Estate agent Emma Bradford said: “Proxima B is the new Hoxton.

“Just a modest 4.2 light year commute from central London, it boasts a wonderful natural rock surface and average temperatures of around minus 40 degrees, which compares well to Glasgow.

“You can get an impressive two acres of molten rock for a very reasonable price and you’ll get so used to clouds of cyanide gases venting into your home you’ll wonder how you managed without them.

“But the time to act is now. If you wait to buy until the first probe lands you’re already too late.”

Wayne Hayes said: “We did a bit of reading about the area and apparently one side of the planet is shrouded in perpetual darkness, so location is important to us.

“In the end we’ve put in an offer on a crater that looks like a fixer-upper, but were gazumped by an hyperintelligent colony of living silicate from Alpha Centuri who wants it for his buy-to-let portfolio.”
The Daily Mash

Of course.

[The "real" story on Reuters]

Friday, 26 August 2016

Don't forget the light ales, Laurence



It's a Bank Holiday weekend (our last till Xmas) and there's additional cause to celebrate, as one of our all-time favourite actresses Miss Alison Steadman celebrates her 65th birthday today!

As it is the end of the week, and certain traditions have to be adhered to, this is a somewhat convoluted tribute to the great lady... One of Miss Steadman's greatest creations was the monstrous "Beverley" in Abigail's Party. Her favourite singer was - as described by her hapless husband "Laurence" - "that fat Greek".

"So, Laurence, Angela likes Demis Roussos. Tony likes Demis Roussos, I like Demis Roussos, and Sue would like to hear Demis Roussos: so please, d'you think we could have Demis Roussos on?"

Here he is - with his first and probably only foray into the world of dance-floor music (replete with some very exotically-attired cheesy "dancers" to boot) - Demis Roussos and L.O.V.E Got A Hold On Me!

Thank Disco It's Friday?



Many happy returns, Alison Steadman, OBE (born 26th August 1946)

Read about our "audience with" Miss Steadman and her appearance in an Alan Bennett masterpiece.

Thursday, 25 August 2016

"I fill this bra"



From the BBC:
Madonna made a surprise appearance at a 25th anniversary screening of her film Truth or Dare at the Museum of Modern Art in New York last night.

The documentary, which was known as In Bed With Madonna in the UK, followed all the drama from her Blond Ambition Tour.
I still can't watch it without thinking of French and Saunders...

Wednesday, 24 August 2016

Leave them burning and then you're gone



With Britain's newspapers in some kind of frenzy - again - about the prospect that two hot days together somehow constitute a "heatwave", so our thoughts once again go hurtling back forty years, to the "greatest of all heatwaves", the long hot summer of 1976. In this month, the UK was on full red alert as the drought and glorious sunshine continued - many parts of the country went 45 days with no rain, and water rationing was endemic. [The best school holidays, ever, as most of us who were kids then would recall :-)]

Also in the news in August 1976: Betty Williams and Mairead Corrigan led the first demonstration by "Women for Peace" in Northern Ireland with 10,000 Protestant and Catholic women in attendance; the fall-out of the John Stonehouse scandal and trial continued to raise eyebrows (the former Postmaster General, on the run from fraud allegations, had pretended to have committed suicide on Brighton beach but was arrested in Australia and jailed for seven years); in the ascendant were the Viking 2 probe (which entered into orbit around Mars), the Ramones (who made their début at CBGBs club in New York) and Gerald Ford (who beat Ronald Reagan to become the Republican Presidential candidate), but Big Ben (the Great Clock of Westminster) was damaged and went silent for nine months; there was a coup in Uruguay; Jacques Chirac resigned as Prime Minister of France; and the first known outbreak of Ebola virus occurred in Zaire. On telly: Call My Bluff, Michael Rodd's Screen Test and the departure of Amy Turtle from the soap Crossroads. In cinemas: Harry and Walter Go to New York, Land of the Minotaur and Bugsy Malone.

In our charts this week four decades ago, the inexorable domination of Elton'n'Kiki and Don't Go Breaking My Heart continued, holding off all comers including Dr Hook, David Dundas, Johnny Wakelin, Wings, Tavares, Jimmy James, 5000 Volts, the Bee Gees and Cockney Rebel. But lurking in the wings, having just made its first appearance in the upper echelons of the Top 40, was the song that was going to knock it off its perch...

Here (of course) is Abba, with their timeless classic Dancing Queen [and what queen, to this day, cannot sing every word to this one?]:



You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, digging the Dancing Queen

Friday night and the lights are low
Looking out for the place to go
Where they play the right music, getting in the swing
You come in to look for a king
Anybody could be that guy
Night is young and the music's high
With a bit of rock music, everything is fine
You're in the mood for a dance
And when you get the chance...

You are the Dancing Queen, young and sweet, only seventeen
Dancing Queen, feel the beat from the tambourine
You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, digging the Dancing Queen

You're a teaser, you turn 'em on
Leave them burning and then you're gone
Looking out for another, anyone will do
You're in the mood for a dance
And when you get the chance...

You are the Dancing Queen, young and sweet, only seventeen
Dancing Queen, feel the beat from the tambourine
You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, digging the Dancing Queen


"The time of your life", indeed.

Tuesday, 23 August 2016

Under the sun...



...we are still evil!

The UK is having a heatwave!

[At least for a couple of days; then it will no doubt rain]

Monday, 22 August 2016

You know woe-woe-in' don't change a thing



It's (house fave here at Dolores Delargo Towers) Miss Valerie ("Rhoda") Harper's birthday today - and she can provide just the tonic we need to get ourselves in gear for another long, slow week in work.

At her most effervescent, here is the lady herself - replete with a gaggle of "safety gays" - and a rollicking song'n'dance number for this Tacky Music Monday. It's The Last Blues Song:



So if you're somebody
Who's feeling sorry for yourself
Better sing along
Cause this is gonna be
The last blues song

Now a little bitty fit
Of self pity
Can really sing.
But it keeps on growin'
And you know woe-woe-in'
Don't change a thing

So if you're a person
Who's hooked on hurtin' on yourself
Better sing along
Cause this is gonna be
The last blues song.


Miss Harper has not has a very good time of it lately, being three years down the line since she was diagnosed with terminal cancer, so we wish her a particularly significant "many happy returns" of the day!

Valerie Kathryn Harper (born 22nd August 1939)

Sunday, 21 August 2016

Messing up my close-up with a floating blue curtain



Yesterday's picnic got a little bit wet'n'windy...



Rather reminiscent of a Bonnie Tyler video, we thought...